family matters

green grass

My last blog post hit a major nerve with a friend. She thought my comments insensitive, offensive and deeply critical of her (relatively new) life as a newlywed with a baby. I have gone over this one in my head a million times, trying to see it from both sides. Granted the post was a major rant, but would I really hang out with couples if I had such a low opinion of their company and their lives? I wrote the post thinking it a good opportunity to let off some steam and explore an insecurity of mine. Little did I realise its potential to lay bare the insecurities of others.

I always thought that the older I got the more black and white my relationships would become. Well that’s what I had hoped, and how naive that was. There will always be people who think the grass is greener on the other side. The question is: am I one of them?

I don’t want a family right now. But that’s not to say I won’t want one in the future. So why is it that some non-single folk assume that being on my own is a choice? Or that singledom is a way of life they gave up because they decided to be responsible, less self-absorbed and devoted to the greater cause of populating the world. Most of the people I know who are in relationships have less time for their friends and are often completely consumed by their relationship and kids. It’s absolutely normal and that’s life. But don’t turn around and make out that I’m selfish and frivolous, when I’m the one who makes the effort to come to every engagement, wedding, anniversary, kid’s birthday party and christening, often armed with a gift, a bottle of wine and a salad. Having children is a wonderful thing that brings family and friends together. However, ultimately who are you doing it for?

I have not met the right guy yet. Perhaps that’s because I’m not ready. Some think it’s because I’m too picky. But maybe it’s because I grew up in a house where my parents hated each other so it has to be absolutely right. Whatever the reason, if and when I do meet someone and decide to have a family, I want to know in my heart of hearts that the decision and the consequences are wholly mine and I don’t care what anyone thinks.